Irresolute
by EnvelopesandCypressTrees
Summary: Sanji doesn't always realize that his crew cares for him, as much as he cares for them. But when Sanji's past begins to catch up to him, and Sanji is in dire need of help- he'll be reminded of how much he has truly become part of the family he thought he'd never have. Sanji whump. Read and Review please T now for LANG, M for gore later. All characters included
1. Dreams

"Are you scared?" a soft wind blew through, tussling blonde hair messily, as the boy's wide eyes met his father's dark ones.

"Yes, sir-" the older man shook his head in disgust at the boy's response, turning with a flamboyant flourish of his coat. He strode confidently away from the trembling child, his shoes clicking across the open parlor, where the long windows of the estate stood open, letting the spring breeze in. The boy cupped his swollen cheek as he watched the lumbering form of his father. The boy no more than six stood uncomfortably in the middle of the room.

"Then you're _weak_."

"Judge, p-please. Don't bully the boy." The man paused mid stride and turned to look at the woman lying near, on the tile. Blood seeped from her, like a river of lava the color boring into the child's young, ocean blue eyes. There was a thud as the man's boot connected with the back of her head, her blonde hair sprawling like limp spider limbs around her face.

"You. A mere, weak _woman_ dares to tell _me_ what to do?" The child squeaked, stumbling back a step at the scene that was progressing before him.

"Dad no. You're hurting mom. She's a _lady_." There's a rustle of fabric and a click as the older man draws a gun from inside his coat pointing it at the boy, the child takes another step back and stumbles falling to his rear, his knees betraying him in his fear. Instead he scrambles backwards like a crab away from the barrel that has been leveled with his face.

"Judge, no! He's your _son_!" the man's hard eyes flickered back to the woman still laying under his boot as she reached up with trembling finger's to grasp his ankle desperately. "He's _our_ son-"

 _BANG_. The gun moves so fast the boy's eyes can't follow it as it swings in an arch, down to the back of the woman. The woman lays there for a moment, as the gun smoke wafts around like a mist, slowly dissipating between them.

Her frail hand slides down his leg, to his polished shoe still atop her head. And thuds lifelessly to the tile.

"Mom!" The boy croaks out, terror stealing away his voice and instead replacing it with sandpaper. The lava around the woman grew darker and began to seep towards him slowly like death's fingers were reaching for him as well. Breaths loud with fear, the boy scrambles to his hands and knees, then to his feet. And Sanji ran. His father's words echoing in his mind, chasing him '… _you're weak.'_

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Sanji sprang upright from his uncomfortable slumber, only to be met with a blinding white pain that exploded across his forehead, he clutched at it eyes squeezed shut and cursed loudly

"God Dammit!" He heard hushed whispers, and as he slowly blinked away the pain and the sleep, he noticed several hovering forms around him, and heard the wails of an animal.

"You bastard, why did you sit up so suddenly?!" Sanji's eyes cleared, as consciousness finally fully chased away the shadows of sleep in his mind, as he gazed around blearily he saw the wailing form of Chopper rolling on the floor, his small hoof pressed to his head. Sanji rubbed his own gingerly. Ignoring the writhing doctor, the blonde eyed the forms of his crew mates around him,

"What's going on?" Sanji stretched at the kitchen table where he had fallen asleep.

"You were mumbling in your sleep" Usopp said "and screwing up your face like you were in pain. We were checking on you." The blonde felt oddly touched by this, and finally acknowledged the forms around him. Usopp, Franky and a still complaining Chopper stood there, concerned expressions slowly fading from their faces.

"Sorry, I must have been dreaming." Sanji reached down and patted Chopper apologetically, "Sorry, Chopper." The small reindeer, blinked away tears of pain, "how about I make some cotton candy to help with the pain?" Chopper lit up with childish joy and pranced around, wriggling happily, loudly shouting

"Cotton Candy, yah~ Cotton Candy, yah!"

"Alright, alright." Sanji stood and waved his hand at the doctor to quiet him down, he began to roll up his sleeves,

"What about _us_ , eyebrows-bro?" Franky whined, "We were concerned for you too, ya know?" The cook rolled his eyes as the cyborg and sniper blinked round eyed gazes of pleads at him.

"Whatever, you bastards. Just keep it down, I'm getting a headache." A few moments later Sanji was swirling pulled, pastel treads of sugar around a stick, his three friends behind him watching in fascination and silence as the poufy treat grew larger, and Sanji's flexible wrists rolled expertly. Sanji handed the first back to chopper with a short, affectionate yet listless "for you, doctor." Which caused the reindeer to wriggle in happiness. The doctor's face lit up as Sanji's masterful treat dissolved on his tongue and he squealed stridently to show his approval. After each had been handed their sweet, Sanji settled back at the table and fished out a cigarette from his pocket.

"So what were you dreaming about, Sanji?" The long nosed sniper asked through a mouthful of sticky sugar, "you kept muttering, and twitching." Sanji lit his tobacco silently, taking a long draw,

"Not sure." He admitted lowly, "It wasn't pleasant though."

"I'll examine you after I finish this~" Chopper sung, his treat considerably smaller

"Don't eat so fast, Chopper." Sanji warned, then shook his head, blonde hair swinging "I don't need an examination, it was just a _dream_. Everyone gets 'em." Franky looked unconvinced,

"You also said you had a headache." Sanji's eyebrow twitched in annoyance

"Maybe because I head-butted a fucking antler?" Sanji hissed past gritted teeth, "seriously, guys. Can't a guy sleep in peace around here? Why are you all so God damn _nosey_?" the cigarette crushed in Sanji's teeth as he chewed on it in exasperation and annoyance. The crew around him averted their eyes, looks of hurt passing like a cloud over their expressions.

"We don't mean to be nosey. We just care about you." Usopp mumbled, finishing his treat and standing, tossing the now empty stick into the garbage. The only memory of the cotton candy that had once clung to it was sticky residue. Sanji's eyes grew wide, the sniper's voice echoing around his skull ' _…care about you.'_ The blonde fumbled for words as Usopp and Franky made their way to the door of the galley, their posture's reflecting their wounded feelings, "thanks again for the treat-"

"I'm ok, _really_." Sanji interrupted, stopping them. "Thanks though." The cook gazed at his hands, a small wave of embarrassment washing over his cheeks in a blush "for ya know…caring."

* * *

 **So more to come, I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this story yet. But it for sure will be about Sanji's past (my version of it)**

 **I'll keep writing and see where the flow leads me. Please review and let me know how it is, and your opinions on where/what the story should lead/include.**

 **REVIEW please!**

 **-EACT**


	2. Résoudre

Three months was a long time, and Sanji was beginning to feel like Usopp.

Three months ago the Sunny had docked at a mysterious Island, none of them knew which it was until the navigator finally slammed her finger on the dot, off in the corner of her map, reading the name aloud "Res…Res-odor" her face screwed up as the unpleasant sounding name warbled past her lips.

"Résoudre" The crew's eyes all fluttered to Sanji who was lounging lazily propped up on the wall, he was examining the half-smoked cigarette in his fingers. He glanced up and briefly met their gaze before he flicked a piece of hair out of his face "its French for _resolve_." Luffy's eyes lit up in boyish fascination as he sprang up to the cook's side,

"You speak French?" The captain threw up his hands with a cackle "that's so _cool!"_ Sanji smirked at his captain's antics and then brought the cigarette up to his lips

"Not a lot" he admitted "but you have to know some when in culinary."

"Always gotta be the know it all." Zoro muttered lazily from his position behind the table, the blonde's ears perked and he turned towards the swordsman teeth grit in annoyance, jabbing a finger towards him Sanji hissed

"Better than not knowing _anything_."

"What was that?!" Nami had rolled up the map, barking dangerously at the two arguing men who in turn shut their mouths tightly, still fuming as they stormed off in opposite directions.

Sanji spent the rest of the afternoon creating lunches for the crew to take along during their exploration of the new Island, as the Sunny sat rolling in the tide near the dock the sounds of a town were already wafting aboard the deck, it was lively and Sanji could hear music from the streets.

The town was celebrating a local holiday and a large festival consumed it, although the rest of the crew participated in the party Sanji had decided to get a nice, plush hotel room and sleep. He hardly ever got to have an interrupted slumber aboard the ship and just the thought of that was more than enough celebration for the blonde. However somehow in the midst of the festivities a large storm off the horizon had gone unnoticed –and when it suddenly ambushed the Island, no one was prepared.

When Sanji awoke the next morning the Island of Résoudre was in shambles. The streets where the celebration had took part was scattered with remnants of the festival, tree limbs, debris, singles, all scattered like spilled rice. His blue eyes widened as he saw the empty dock where just last night the Sunny had be tethered. He had been left behind.

According to the inn keeper, the crew had been forced back to the Sunny, and thus forced to depart in the storm.

Three months was a long time, and Sanji was beginning to feel like Usopp. Having been here so long the blonde was forced to get somewhat situated, he had a job at the small restaurant at the outskirts of town, which consisted of stirring soup and making fresh noodles all day.

Village children came in to talk to the _dangerous_ pirate, who always was covered in flour. Sanji began to tell them tales of his voyages, and the children hung on every word like Sanji was the only true pirate of the sea. One girl in particular had stolen Sanji's heart, she had dark brown hair, a round face and innocent eyes and somehow talking to her eased the blonde's troubled heart. The young child Paige was the daughter of a poor farmer, but Sanji didn't care if she truly came in to talk with him, or for the free soup he would give her every day.

"And _then_?" Sanji had his back to the counter where the child sat, he smirked and looked over his shoulder at her,

"And then I _kicked_ it." Paige laughed loudly nearly spilling her soup as the blonde finished his story, a large grin spread across his face as well as he watched the child writhe happily in her fit of laughter.

"You did not!" She argued, sniffing messily as her laughs died into giggles "you didn't _kick_ it." Sanji wiped his hands on his apron, shrugging nonchalantly as he wiped his face with his sleeve causing a smear of flour to stick to his cheek. "Mr. Sanji? Can I be a pirate too?" Sanji blinked at the question and leaned back to rest on the work station behind him, eyes searching Paige for the correct answer.

"It's dangerous, my little lady." The child sat up straighter and puffed her chest causing the blonde to chuckle, "but, you can do anything if you put your mind to it." He corrected himself, nodded confidently at her. Flicking his hair from his face he nearly laughed aloud when the child mimicked him, and her hair as well was pushed aside in a similar fashion.

"Are you gunna leave soon?" Her strong posture dropped meekly until she sat hunched over her soup.

"Eventually. Once my idiot crew comes back for me." Sanji eyed the girl, the strong sent of simmering soup consuming the small, nearly empty restaurant. She stirred her bowl sullenly,

"When will that be?" the cook turned to stir the simmering pot behind him, a wave of unhappiness overtaking him as well, suddenly worrying about having become too comfortable.

"I don't know, maybe any day now. They should have already been here." Doubt swirled in the cook's mind and his gaze fluttered to the window, the view overlooked the harbor and the empty dock his ship three months ago had been. "Any day now." He mumbled to himself, tearing his eyes away from the sea and back to the sea of stock on the burner ahead of him.

Nightmares like the one he had on the Sunny, had been plaguing his sleep consistently these last few months Sanji had spent alone. The same dream, each time more vivid –sometimes he would wake up thrashing and shouting, sometimes he would be awake before he was aware of it, staring up at the dark ceiling. The only difference between now and that time a few months ago was that no one was there when he awoke, he was alone and no one cared.

"You look sad, Mr. Sanji." The blonde nearly burned himself in shock as Paige's voice shattered the thoughts swirling in his head, like she had reached into a well and snatched out a wriggling fish. Sanji rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly,

"Ah, do I?" He sent a smile over his shoulder at her "I didn't mean to worry you, my princess." Unconsciously he gazed back at the window, as if the Sunny would come at any moment.

"You miss the sea, don't you?" Sanji just nodded absent mindedly and brought the wooden spoon to his lips blowing on it softly, he tasted it and happy with the result, plunked the spoon back in to continue stirring. "Tell me another story?" She offered, finishing her bowl, desperate to make the blonde cheerful again.

"Well…" Sanji hummed thoughtfully, eyes twinkling in wonder "have I ever told you about the All Blue?"

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 **So, I'm beginning to become uninterested in this story unfortunately~ Loosing my mojo. Please review and let me know if I should continue/what you think ect.**

 **You're reviews inspire me!**

 **Thanks for the read.**

 **-EACT**


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